I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
