Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
