He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
