I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
