dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When did angry sex become our thing?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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