I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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