Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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