I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
