just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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