They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
