the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
