turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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