Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
