dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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