I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
