Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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