chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
im on a boat
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