Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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