Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
