We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
