Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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