Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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