You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
