and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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