Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Terrible idea I love it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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