Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
