My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
