Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
