Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
