Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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