They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
