I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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