I am midnight drunk by noon
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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