You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
