this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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