Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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