She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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