my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
