Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
