Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
