Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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