Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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