We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
