I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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