I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Couch. On fire.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
