I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
this hospital has no fireball
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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