she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
