Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
