6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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