Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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