you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
