dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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