Kiss
Puke
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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