having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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