I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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