They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
