batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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