So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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