It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
