There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
