my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
