I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
