And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
