i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this boner is exhausting
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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