Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
