Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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