This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
