You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
