you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
