I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
